Another change...last entry

This is it, for now. My last entry. For ten months I’ve written about the changes, both physical and emotional, that I’ve faced in an attempt to amp up my life, become healthier in body and in spirit. And much has changed. Yet, I’m only a few pounds lighter. I’m in better shape, sure, but only up to a mile or two around the neighborhood. I do eat healthier. But truly, the most profound changes have come from the inside. My way of thinking, my way of feeling, is different. I’m more present. More aware of what I’m doing, and why. Less judgmental and more able to let go. I no longer feel as though I need to solve all of the problems of the world – though sometimes I still try. I simply feel more at peace with whatever comes my way. And that is a profound change that has fueled everything else in my life. Writing about all of these things, here, on this site, have helped me to make sense of all the changes I’ve experienced. It’s helped me to see where I started and where I want to go. And I know, that just because the blog is ending – another change – doesn’t mean my personal work will end. There is much I want to do and learn and changes will always be a part of life. Now, I know I can embrace them.

Conscious changes kicking in

Threw a Halloween party this weekend and noticed a couple of changes: I had no problem making a healthy, good tasting meal and I didn’t overeat.

You know, that uncomfortable feeling you get when you’ve snacked all day and filled up without even realizing it or took that second portion even when you weren’t hungry just for the taste of it? I cooked all day (yes, my body rebelled with severe pain and stiffness that forced me to rest all day Sunday, but it was worth it) Instead of nibbling my way through the preparations, I waited for dinner and then I ate the salad first and felt no need to over indulge on the pasta. I ate normal portion sizes, felt full and comfortable. But the biggest shift was in my head. It was only later that I realized this moderate style of eating has become the norm. I’ve made the change. I decided long ago to eat what I wanted but to include more healthy foods and smaller portions in my diet. Now, I realize I’ve met that goal and it’s becoming second nature rather than work. The change is finally becoming the norm and that is a powerful feeling.

Learning to let go

Feeling slow this week. Lots of little stresses have surfaced. Need a new roof, still waiting on lab results from the mole. Husband dealing with challenges and work and I’m feeling like nothing has come easy. I’m out of the flow. And, true to my nature, I’m trying to control the Universe instead of learning the lesson and letting go. The more stressed life gets, the more I attempt to micro-manage my household and the daily tasks. I become more controlling and feisty at home – not good for the relationship. I have a hard time focusing on work and generally, I’m tense and even a little scared. "If you don't handle it all," my mind tells me, "the world will fall apart." And I buy into that false mantra and busy myself with things that don't need taking care of. And the stress I feel definitely amps up the arthritis with pain and fatigue. But, this isn't working for me anymore, so now I'm learning to surrender to the circumstance. I’ve become more mindful. I’ve meditated. I’ve taken care of the things I can influence and given up the others – like when is that darn doctor going to call – and today I’m feeling energized and back in rhythm despite pushing a stroller around the zoo all day yesterday (a task that would usually leave me stiff and hurting). I'm learning.

Heading for a check up

In 13 minutes I will get in my Mazda and drive across town to my dermatologist. There, she will spend an hour scouring every inch of my skin, scrutinizing every mole, every age spot. She’s checking for cancer. Last year, two moles, turned bad. Though they were only a few millimeters thick, it was enough to worry doctors. They cut the moles out. Then, they cut into my groin and pulled out a couple of lymph nodes for testing. I waited 10 days before finding out the lymph nodes were free from cancer. The cancer had not spread. I’m o.k. and more than willing now, to go let someone work over my skin to insure my good health. It was an interesting time – scary sure – but it also prompted me to look at my body in a whole new way. The arthritis has ravaged it, but to be honest, I rarely think about it. The RA is something I know. It’s something I’ve learned to manage. It won’t kill me and though it hampers some of my activities, it never stops me. To have something growing in me that could turn deadly made it hard to breathe some days. Now, I look at the scars along my knee with gratitude. They got the melanoma, and I got a chance to make better, healthier choices

Fast food, little fuss

I love fast food – not so much for the flavor and certainly not for it’s nutritional contents, but, well because it’s fast. Some nights I need fast, with few dishes and little fuss. And I’m finding healthy foods I can cook quickly.

Fish. Tuesday I sprinkled salt pepper, garlic powder, red pepper flakes on some pieces of tilapia – threw them on a baking sheet covered in foil to minimize the clean-up and with a little broccoli steamed in the microwave had a healthy meal in about 10 minutes. I was so proud of myself. It was so easy to eat healthy, and so much faster actually, than commuting in rush hour traffic to pick up a soggy taco. The meal reminded me that I have to be a little more creative and continue developing new beliefs about food. Cooking doesn’t have to be hard, if you fill the freezer and the fridge with the right foods. With the broiled fish, we had little clean up. A healthy – even good tasting -- meal at our own table. Slowly, things are changing around here. We’ll still go out to eat – sure. But, there are plenty of ways to cook a meal without spending an hour in the kitchen. A year ago, I would have had a hard time recognizing that.

Cutting the chaos

Felt some stress this week. Juggling too many things – family issues, work, daycare and all the household family responsibilities that we all have. It got to me. I had trouble sleeping. My pain was more intense. I felt hungry all the time, though my stomach was also upset. And it hit me: this kind of life chaos is one of my obstacles. When I wrote about ways to make lasting changes in January’s edition of Arthritis Today one thing I noted was the importance of identifying and preparing for obstacles. Obstacles will come up, say the experts. Those who are committed to change, plan for them ahead of time and put a coping mechanism in place before they ever come up. Life is filled with crazy, unpredictable moments that can thwart your efforts to eat well and exercise or do the other things that are good for you. I know, that for me, too much noise in life – too much craziness, busyness, messiness, – can cause me to stop making healthy choices. I need moments of silence. When I can be still in mind and in spirit. When I can stop and give thanks, breathe and come back into myself. I did that this morning. I got up before the others. Drank coffee in silence. Did not read. Did not watch t.v. Did not look over my “To Do” list. I sat quietly, drank my coffee, and when it was gone, I sat still. I gave thanks. I prayed. I rested. And after 15 minutes I felt renewed.

Thinking differently about food

Picked blackberries yesterday. These were the plump sweet kind that sprung from bushes taller than me and grew on thornless stems which made for ideal picking. But what struck me is how much energy even basic tasks like blackberry picking require. I walked up and down the rows. I stooped and stretched. I was moving the whole two hours. Afterwards, my joints were sore, but I felt exhilarated. And another thing happened: When I was on the farm, I saw the chickens and goats and corn and tomatoes and I made a deeper connection to the place where my food comes from. It is so easy to overeat and even waste food – to continually take too much – when you are not thinking about the animals and the people and the elements of Mother Nature that have to come together just right provide your meal. And there in the warmth of the early fall with a rooster crowing in the distance, I felt connected to my food in a different way. I felt grateful for all that I have – which is always enough. And I realized, more deeply, that food is there to nourish me. That sacrifices are made so that I can easily have that nourishment for my body. Food is there to strengthen my body and yet, somewhere along the way I also turned eating into a form of recreation. Perhaps if I appreciate my food more and focus on it as a source of fuel that energizes my body instead of trying to shovel as much junk in my mouth as possible, I’ll find it easier to make healthy eating choices. Yesterday, I had the best blackberries I ever tasted. I ate them one at a time off the vine and gave thanks.

Amping up the energy

I’m on a roll this week. Something about September – maybe it’s all those years of living on the school calendar – but when the month rolls around, I feel like it’s almost a new year. A fresh start. And I find myself re-motivated this week. The sun is out, so that doesn’t hurt, but I’m meditating again diligently, and eating healthily. It’s even easy to do right now. Though I’m choosing to eat whatever I want, I find myself easily gravitating toward the healthier choices and smaller portions and I’m picking up a bit of the momentum I lost during the busy summer months. Seems that one thing leads to another. When I’m eating well, I want to continue to on that path.
And I’m amping up the activity in my day. Feels good. We’ll see how it goes.

Tired from play

Today we went to the park and simply playing in the playground and getting up and down from the sandbox, wiping, lifting, hauling gear, left me feeling sore. Even the times when my daughter played independently, I found myself standing on hard cement, supervising from a distance. But standing for hours on end, and taking part in the other activities – just basic play – have worn me out and left me feeling discouraged. The last thing I want to do now is exercise. It’s been tough trying to maintain and do the things I want and need to do during the course of my regular day AND still feel good enough to exercise. Am I making excuses to get out of the a regular exercise routine? Am I weak? Some days maybe, but most days are so busy that my body literally sends off alarms by shooting pain through every joint telling me to slow down. Maybe this winter, I will consider swimming, which is not my thing, but may be more comfortable than a walk around the neighborhood on the days when my joints have had enough.

Leche lifts and other workouts

This week I worked to increase the activity level in my days – without causing unnecessary or even necessary discomfort. I just wanted to find a way to move more, without, in all honesty, exercising more. Instead of sitting for hours on end while working, I made a point to get up and stretch every hour. While grocery shopping I parked in the middle of the lot. O.K., I know I could have gone further and parked that car in the last space, but at least a made a small change instead of circling for minutes to find a space next to the door. I played on the floor with my daughter. Took her to the nature park for a walk on the wooded trails and danced with her for minutes at a time.
Many of these things I do regularly, but this week felt like a shift. Because while I’m out of my regular exercise routine –though I intend too start up again Sunday, she says optimistically – I am becoming more conscious of all the ways I can build exercise and energy into my day. Acknowledging what I am doing well – instead of acknowledging the hours I spend on my couch watching what others are doing well in the Olympics – felt better than beating myself up over what I’m not doing. It also helped me become aware of how I am using my body and spending my time during the day. And with that I began to identify the other ways I can use my body.
Case in point: When I poured my daughter’s milk into her cereal this a.m., I also took a couple of extra seconds and did five bicep curls with each arm while holding the milk jug. OK, so the leche lifts won’t replace a regular strength-training workout, but it did make me laugh AND it certainly is a better workout than I get from lifting, oh say, the mug of Vienna Roast I drink every morning. Who knows, maybe I’ll try working my triceps when I open the green beans for dinner. Hmmm. I wonder how much a bottle of wine weighs?

Stuck in my head

Changes, say the experts, are best made on both a mental and physical level. You’ve got to change the way you think. Instead of focusing on how much you hate exercise, you begin to focus on your belief that exercise is good because of the benefits it brings. Then, while shifting your belief system, you must take action to make changes that stick. You’ve got to actually go out and do the exercise, you can’t simply think of it’s benefits. You’ve got to skip that slice of pizza, instead of thinking about skipping it. In other words, you’re not going to get healthier by thinking about eating less and exercising more – which is about where I am now. I believe that our physical reality is formed by the way we think. Often, in the best case, those beliefs then actually spur us into action. We believe we will be healthier, feel better live longer if we exercise and that belief becomes so important that it overrides our previous belief that exercise is Hell.
But right now, I’m stuck in my head. I’m doing the meditation, thinking about the changes I’ve made and others I want to make, journaling – taking care of my mental health. But I’m not following up with action. I know I should limit my pizza intake, but don’t. I have not exercised, because I don’t feel like it. The steps I took in the beginning, the combined mental/physical approach is now simply all in my mind. And, that’s not going to get me where I want to be. So this week, I’ll work on balancing that with action.

Headed for the long haul

Like most toddlers my daughter is a ball of energy and she can move in ways I lost years ago. She can squat so that her bottom is but a half inch off the ground and peer at an ant moving across the cement without ever losing her balance. She can roll off the couch until she’s hanging upside down, her back bent into an arch, her hands dancing in the air. Watching her reminds me of two things: 1. How a healthy body was built to be so efficient, and flowing and easy; and 2. How badly I need to get into shape. For her. For me. And to shore up and protect what little bit of this body I have left working for me. I’ve let my exercise routine go. I’ve got caught up in the activity of summer. And although, I’m hardly a couch potato, I need to get back into the exercise routine as a thank you to this battered body who keeps moving despite all its struggle. Stronger muscles do take the pressure off my weak joints and I feel better. And, I want to keep up with our daughter for a long time to come. So, now I’ll work toward longevity. I’m certainly not graceful, my creaking hips often rebel, but they can walk me around the neighborhood and the grocery store. I don’t move or twist or squat like my daughter, but I can chase her around the room and kneel down over the tub to give her a bath. So now I’ll use her strength and health as my motivation to keep going. To keep on doing the things that are good for me so that I’m creaking around for a long time to come.

Good time off

Just got back from vacation – a week in central Oregon and then a trip to Mt. Hood, the state’s highest peak and part of the stunning Cascade Mountains.

I feel great. Relaxed, ready to return to work, connected to my family and myself and if anything those good feelings are a reminder at how far, how exhausted, how stressed I can become without regular time off. Or time away. Or sleep. Or meditation. Or regular exercise. All those things rejuvenate the body and the spirit and it takes a combination of the two to foster good health. Once you’re feeling good it’s easier to maintain the changes you’re trying to make. Success breeds success. When I’m feeling good, I’m motivated to do the things that help me feel even better. But in the daily crush of deadlines and diapers, I can lose site of it all. Vacation restored my vision. And reminded me that regular time off – even a few minutes of silence a day – can have restorative benefits. Now, I’ve got to make time to do it.

Time for fun

I’m writing a story about the importance of play – about just having fun. Thing is, we are more likely to celebrate those who work all night, make big money, but rarely have fun than we are those that take time out to play. Should be just the opposite. Play stimulates our brains and our bodies. It improves our health. Leaves us feeling more optimistic and engaged in our lives. And physical movement is one of the triggers for play. I’m learning that even on those days when I don’t want to exercises, if I do it, if I just get up and move my innately playful qualities will begin to take over and my body and brain will respond in a way that is healthy and maybe even fun. Case in point: I was tired when I got up for my walk this a.m. My hip hurt the whole 30 minutes. I moved slowly. It was drudgery. But once I showered and poured a cup of coffee, I felt great. Relaxed, happy, light and lighthearted. Play has many earmarks – but it doesn’t always have to feel fun on the spot according to the experts. Sometimes it’s enough to be engaged in something working toward a higher goal, one that brings you satisfaction when you complete it. Practicing the piano isn’t always a kick, but playing well a year from now will be. Walking today was tough, but I’m more engaged and truly enjoying the other parts of my day, because I took that walk. One other thing, when I’m having fun, I hurt a whole lot less.

Guilt-free choices

I find myself being very aware, every minute, of what I’m eating and what it’s doing to me and it’s making me crazy. I had a bowl of ice cream last night and it tasted great, but even while I enjoyed it I was thinking, this isn’t good for me, this isn’t healthy. I never planned to go cold turkey. I’m not going to give up the foods I love. I just decided early on to smaller portions less often and I’ve stuck to that. And it’s worked. I’ve lost some weight and I’m definitely healthier than when I started making these changes in January. I’m also more conscientious. And more often than not, I’m making good food choices. But now I need to rid myself of the guilt when I decide to eat a bowl of ice cream. The experts say feeling bad can be a detriment to the changes you’re trying to make. Instead, they say, I am to acknowledge the choice – or setback, depending on how you look at it – be aware that it was my decision and then strive to make different decisions down the road. O.K. I can do that. I get to choose what to eat and how to think about it. That’s empowering. I am in control. So, I will eat ice cream when I feel like it. I will enjoy it and then I’ll choose to have oatmeal and skim milk for breakfast and celebrate the fact that my healthy efforts will not be derailed as long as I stay clear about what I want and what I’m doing to live a healthier life. Now, if I can just kiss the guilt goodbye.

Seasonal health

Warm weather, strawberries off the vine, fresh melon and snap peas, long, light-filled days. These things have made it a whole lot easier to be active and healthier this summer. I feel like I’ve come out of my winter hibernation and, though my exercise routine hasn’t changed much, my activity level has doubled. I’m up earlier, feel more energized. I wander the market, plant flowers, play at the park with my daughter, plan picnics. I’m eating less and more of the good stuff naturally, because it’s all available and fresh at area farms. During the dark days of winter, I find myself wanting to chew through pounds of macaroni noodles covered in cheese or fill up on other carbs. This year I’m particularly aware of the change in my mood, energy level and eating habits – probably because I’m writing this Blog. I'm thinking about it more. But with that awareness comes the understanding that I don’t want to just be seasonally healthy. I want to feel good year round. Guess, I need to get a little more creative during the winter months and find ways to be active. Try new foods and exercise routines. Now is the time to start thinking about it, right after I eat this strawberry.

Time to rest

Last weekend I had a blast. We traipsed around the farmer’s market, went golfing, planted flowers and played in the yard. Today my body crashed. I’ve not exercised today, nor have I missed it. Getting out of bed was a major accomplishment. I’ve also lifted and played with my two-year-old though I’ve become creative at finding quiet, low-impact things to do. Lots of drawing, play dough and reading. My body hurts and I’m tired and I knew I was headed for trouble even while I was picking sweet peas from the market bins. I overdid it and now I will pay. And you know what? It was worth it. I’ve long stopped feeling sorry for myself when I pay the price for doing what I want when I want. I spend much more time in a place of gratitude: I am so grateful, so fortunate that I can golf (though not well and I’m not above using the arthritis as an excuse for poor performance in this case) and that I can stroll along the market aisles and play with my kid. And while weeks like this one are tough, I know with some rest and time, I’ll be back. Sure, arthritis changes the way I do things and sometimes that means I can’t do all that I want. In those moments when my body requires me to be still and quiet – when I am forced to rest – I also have time to reflect on all that I do accomplish. So, while it takes away some things, arthritis has also given me others. In these mandatory cooling off periods, I finally slow down long enough to appreciate the things that sometimes go unnoticed. The days after my busy weekend have included a fair share of challenges and discomfort. Do I regret any moment of the fun or days following it? Nope.

Family affair

Now with the longer days, I’m spending more time outside with my husband and daughter. It’s become part of our routine to take a walk together after dinner and I find that that has become as good for my soul as my body. It seems that we talk (when I’m not huffing and puffing) easier as we move along. We use the time to connect after our busy day and to talk about plans for the future or parenting strategies. We push our daughter in the stroller and we always make a point to thank her for “exercising” with us and reminding her how good it feels to be outside with your body moving. Hopefully, instead of viewing exercise as drudgery, she’ll grow up thinking of it as part of her normal routine. For me, these family walks are a chance to exercise my body and strengthen my relationships by spending quality time with both of the people in my life. This is one change that benefits everybody.

Here comes the sun

The sun is out – finally – winter this year in Oregon has been darker and colder than usual. And that has affected my mood. I grew up here. I like the rainy winters that lead to the lush green landscapes. But this year, for the first time, it got to me a bit. With the appearance of the sun today, I feel cheerier and more energetic. With warmer weather, it will be more comfortable to walk around the neighborhood, play outside with my daughter and even have a picnic at the park. So my mood is better, my energy flowing and that is actually causing me to look forward to my exercise. Just shows what a ripple affect your thoughts can have. The only change is in the weather, yet I’m thinking brighter thoughts and feeling better. Now I need to work at creating and maintaining that feeling even when the clouds move back in.

Lots of Change

2008 has unpacked a great deal of surprise changes. I haven't been able to post for some time because of the changes. Tina, my wife, and I were in a serious car accident in early March. Unfortunately my psoriatic arthritis flared badly after the accident. My rheumatologist and I tried hand therapy, something new for me, to lessen the swelling and pain in my right hand. It was helpful, and I learned a great deal about pacing myself, using tools that reduce the strain on my finger and wrist joints, and how to identify when I've pushed my joints to the limit.

Now that my flare from the accident has mostly subsided, I'm giving my exercise routine a boost. I've started using our elliptical more regularly - about 20-30 minutes each night. I'm also taking a stand against the tempting foods in our fridge. To help me watch my weight, I've started using shopping lists and refusing to put unhealthy items on the list. So far this year I've noticed my desire to buy those items has decreased and sticking to the list has helped.

Gas prices have put a small damper on our traveling plans for the summer. Luckily we live only 5 minutes from a great state park! When it hasn't been raining, we've been enjoying some hikes and picnics at the park. My parents even gave us a season pass to the Indiana state parks. So now there's no excuse to not get outside and enjoy the summer.

A couple of unexpected changes are going on this year. Tina is pregnant with our first child, and we are overjoyed! Secondly, I was recently hired as a special education at a local school district. I will be spending my summer planning for these changes and hope for the best.

More thoughts

Making a lasting change has become more about my mental strength than physical. Those are better odds anyhow, because while my body isn’t so sharp, my mind is, (or at least that’s what I like to think.) Eating well on the nights it would be easier to stop at Taco Bell, is a mental strength thing. Going for a walk, when I’m stiff and sore, is a mental thing. Sure, then I’ve got to figure out how to get my legs to move a mile through the neighborhood, but my body isn’t making the decisions. If my brain says “alright now, get moving” my body will follow. My mind is a tool, one that can help my body, so now it’s time I’ve started using more of it – rather than letting it use me. I’ve written, many times, about how we are the keeper of our thoughts. We choose what to believe, think, feel. And yet, there are days when I feel poorly. Or stressed. Or I think about how tired I am and how much I don’t want to exercise, or how I’ll never get in shape. Time for a little mental awareness. I wouldn’t eat a sandwich that the chef said would kill me, yet there are moments when I find myself filling my head with poisonous thoughts. So, today, and from now on, I’ll refocus and put to positive use the one part of my body that is already strong and healthy. While I become more aware of what I eat and put into my body, I’m also becoming more aware of what I put into my brain.

Choices, both constant and conscious

Creating lasting change is about making choices – constantly. Will I eat the pepperoni pizza, or choose the baked chicken? Will I scarf down chips or go for the apples? Will I walk in the rain or watch t.v.? Everyday, we are forced to confront scores of choices and being aware of them is the key to making healthy changes. Often, we are moving so quick we don’t even remember what we had for lunch, let alone how it tasted. But slowing down for a minute, taking a deep breath, becoming present and consciously deciding which choice to make has been important. It’s helped me to become healthier physically, sure, but it’s also helped me become more aware, more engaged in my life. Sometimes I still do choose the pepperoni – and that doesn’t bother me a bit. Other days, I choose the asparagus and chicken. The key is that I’m aware of what I’m doing now. And I am using my thoughts to empower myself, instead of letting my thoughts run me. There is power in that.

Getting quiet

Still thinking about what I wrote last week about how much energy I spend tying up loose ends. I, like a lot of women I know, do the things I should do – even if they take a toll on my physical health. I’m done doing that. Of course I'll keep up with regular chores and responsibilities, but I'm done with the extra things that I end up doing even though I don't want to. Instead, I’m going to take a stand for me. I am taking a stand for optimal health. Some days that might mean taking a nap instead of taking out the garbage. And I think I need to do a better job of communicating, to the people I love in my life, that I can no longer maintain the frantic pace I’ve kept up. I can no longer do it all, nor do I want to. I want a more relaxed, peaceful life. And being healthy is about more than exercise, it also means living with greater awareness, peace and compassion. For me, and for all of us, I really believe those qualities evolve from quiet. When I slow down, when I settle down and reflect – even just a few minutes a day – I feel better, more connected, more energized. Getting quiet, helps me get clear and that is part of being healthy.

Running too fast

I’ve been struggling to maintain my exercise – or really any activity at all – these last few weeks. The baby-work-cooking-shopping-household routine is wearing me out. It’s nothing new. Everybody can relate to a life that only gets busier when exercise is added in. Now, I realize I must set clearer priorities. Spending time with my family IS a priority, but folding the laundry is not. Sure, it needs to get done and I’m not going to refuse to fold a shirt. But I’ve always worked to get EVERYTHING done – tied up all the loose ends, tidied the house and organized my desk -- before I do the things that are for me. It’s almost cliche, but I’m learning that I need to take care of myself so that I have some fuel left for the things that do matter most. And taking care of me, means exercise – not at the end of the day when I’m drained, not in the few moments when I can fit it in. I’m realizing now, more than ever I’ve got to fit it in first. That could mean some early morning walks, which I started and quit early this winter when the dark and the cold got to me. So, with the weather warming and sun rising before I do, I need to make myself a priority and exercise is a part of that. I’m going to give more to myself, so that I have more to give.

Embracing change and asparagus

I’m not the only one making changes in this household. My husband – who grumbles over any green food -- has changed too. Mostly, because I’ve forced him to. I figured out real quick, that I wouldn’t be making separate meals just to indulge his fantasy that potato chips and carrot cake count as a vegetable serving. And, we both want our daughter to have a variety of healthy foods in her diet, so that requires everybody in the house to make healthier choices.

To get him to buy into the changes, I decided, as chief cook, that each month we would add one new vegetable to our menu. And to appear slightly less controlling, my husband gets to choose which one to add.

First time out, he picks asparagus. The one thing I’ve never cooked, because, simply, I HATE asparagus. But I figured, if he’s trying, then I too must walk the talk, or in this case eat the stalk. First I had to figure out to cook the stuff. I took it easy and roasted the asparagus with salt and olive oil. And a crazy thing happened. We both loved it. We both wanted seconds. We both talked about it for days after.

Now we are an asparagus-eating household getting healthier by the day and I’m thrilled to have a third green food on our menu plan, particularly since I was burned out on broccoli and lettuce. Change might be hard, but there are plenty of unexpected payoffs –who would have thought roasted asparagus would be one?

Sleeping better at night

The drag about arthritis -- as if there were only one -- is the fatigue that comes with the disease.
There are mornings, when I’ve slept well, and I still wake up tired. Cooking a quick dinner can wipe me out for the night and grocery shopping is always an energy drain.
Coping with that fatigue has been one of the biggest challenges when it comes to keeping up with my exercise. On the days, when I’ve spent most my time sitting behind the computer, a little exercise feels good and energizing. But on the days, when I’ve got a long to-do list, exercise feels like one-more, exhausting obligation.
In these moments, when I have a finite amount of energy, and an infinite amount of things that require that energy, I often opt out of exercise. I’m too tired, I say. And it’s true. But what I’m also finding is that when I do exercise I sleep better and actually wake up refreshed.
The experts tell us exercise is an energy builder – well, so far, I’m not feeling it. But it does help me relax, and it tires me out in a satisfying way. So, aside from the bragging rights I get when I exercise, it also buys me a good night’s sleep. And that is a definite perk.

Jumping like a frog

O.K., if I wasn’t motivated before to be healthy and stronger physically, all it took was a dance class, or specifically a “creative movement” class with my two-year-old. She had no problem jumping like a frog, her little muscles pulling and pushing, her knees and hips limber and she propelled (O.K. she barely got off the ground but she’s just learning) herself into the air and then dropped into a squat, fingers on the floor in front as though they were the tiny front legs of a frog.

Now, arthritis or not, a dance class of any kind, is the last thing on the list of things I hope to do before I die. Honestly, it’s not even on the list. But, my daughter loves to dance, so in an effort to do this parenting thing well, I signed her up. She squeals and hops and claps. I try to keep up -- when I’m not willing the second hand to move faster around the clock. But I want to do better and true, I also wouldn’t mind out-hopping a couple of the other more athletic mothers who seem to bound around the room like frogs preparing for the Olympic team.

These last four months I have talked about making healthy changes so that I can be a greater participant in my daughter’s life. This week I deeply connected with that premise. I’m not a good frog. My bunny isn’t bad (they don’t have to get as low to the ground) , but I’m not limber enough, or strong enough to jump around the gym without a few breaks. I could be, though. And I know I’m getting there. So, these little lifestyle changes that are helping me to lose weight and feel better are also part of a larger goal, now, to become the best mama frog in the bunch. Ribbet.

Taking a rest

As I sit here writing this, I’m trying to think of something inspirational or at least interesting to share about the process of change and personal growth. Or maybe some tip that might make it easier for all of us to live healthier lives. But I’ve got nothing. This week has been a grind. I’m working long hours, have had some other personal obligations in my off hours, I’ve had little energy to exercise and even less energy to do it. I don’t even want to exercise. I am eating well, throwing fruits and vegetables – even zucchini which I’m not a fan of – into everything I cook. But I’ve not been as active as usual. I knew there would be weeks like this – when it all just felt hard, when I felt lazy and worn. And this time, instead of over-doing, I’m backing off a bit. Trying to listen to my body. I’m tired. I hurt. I will rest instead of walk today. In the past, I would have viewed this fatigue as a frustrating setback, another reminder of the disease that sucks so much energy from me that sometimes I feel I have nothing left.

And I would have fought against it. I would have pushed on until my bones cried “uncle” and I lost a day to the pain and stiffness.

Today, though, and maybe from now on, I’ll listen to my body better. And in that, is some sort of success. Some sort of positive change. I’m paying attention. I’m aware of my feelings both physically and emotionally. I’m not looking for an excuse. I am tired. I am not a failure or a quitter. I am tired. Today, I am just tired. So, today, I will respect my body with rest. Tomorrow, rejuvenated, I will go for a walk.

Learning a little kindness

I ate well this week. Fish, chicken, turkey cooked at home with lots of vegetables and fruit. I took smaller portions, no snacks after dinner. Little meals throughout the day. No junk. You’d think I’d be happy about that. Instead, when I woke up this morning, I was thinking about what I didn’t do. I didn’t exercise – at least not much. At least not enough. And now I’m beating myself up about it.
That’s not a new thing. When I performed poorly in school, I mentally flogged myself. It bugs me when I burn dinner or something doesn’t turn out like I planned. But being tough on myself could make it harder for me to achieve my goals and even cause me to give up.
Behavioral experts talk about the importance of treating yourself with kindness if you want to enact lasting change. Psychologist Mark Leary has studied self-compassion and found that it’s a critical component when it comes to coping with rejection, and failure. Self compassion doesn’t mean shirking responsibility, people who are kind to themselves also tend to be less defensive, he says.
It’s simply a matter of acknowledging your intent, to do your best, and your humanity. Be responsible, but be kind because screw ups are a part of life.
So, I didn’t exercise much this week. O.K. I’m moving on now. The sun is up and it’s mild. Perfect day for a walk. And maybe on my way I’ll celebrate the things I did do right.

The focus on food

This weekend, we’re celebrating my sister’s birthday. As is tradition in my family, she gets to choose her dessert of choice, and we’ll celebrate with a special meal. Like most American families, many of our celebrations include special, often fattening foods. When it comes to my party, I’m on board with that, already looking forward to the berry pie I’ll request this summer.
But I’m a parent now, and I’m becoming much more conscious about what I eat and how I teach my daughter about food.
I’m also aware that it takes a lot of creative thinking to come up with fun ways to celebrate that don’t involve eating. Think about it. How many times have you planned to visit with friends over dinner? Rewarded yourself with a meal out after a hard week at work? Grabbed an ice cream cone on the way home from the kids’ baseball game.
Food is part of the regular routine and it’s part of some of the best moments of our lives. I’m finding it to be a challenge to come up with new ideas, fun activities and rewards that don’t focus on it.
Yet, since I’m working to make healthy changes in my life, a major part of that is to change the way I think about my life. I’m not going to turn away a piece of pie on my birthday, but maybe the celebration this year will also include a morning walk or an activity with friends instead of making it all about the meal.

What are some healthy ways you celebrate life's big occasions? Let me know.
###

Done with drive- thrus

I did follow my plan last week and found myself getting up from the computer more often to stretch my stiffening joints and muscles. Guess what? It worked. My body moved better all week, even after my walks. This week I’m going to add even more activity, not by increasing the time I spend exercising, but by being more active during the day.
Instead of asking my husband to get the mail, I will walk across the street to pick it up. I will park farther away from the grocery store entrance and cover more ground just getting to the door. I will dance more often with my daughter.
Sure, these are simple ways to build in more movement, yet they are just as easily avoided thanks to drive-thru windows, door-to-door deliveries and on-line ordering. On tough days when I’m hurting, I love those conveniences. But there are many days when I simply rely on them because it’s easy and I’m lazy.
So, I’ll make more of an effort to move. Starting now.
I’m off to Target. Raindrops are bouncing off the windows and walkways and the thought of taking the long way through the parking lot to the front door isn’t appealing. But I’ll do it anyhow. Hey, maybe I’ll even jump a couple of puddles.

--What about you? What tips, tricks, strategies do you use to keep moving today and everyday?

Gotta keep moving

One byproduct of living a more active life is that I’m also stiffer. Mornings have always been stiff and slow, but now after a half-hour of activity or exercise, I creak like the Tin Man. I think that
is primarily because once I get moving, I don’t keep moving.

After a hot shower following my morning walk, I feel strong and agile. But then I grab a cup of coffee and settle in behind the computer where I write for three or four hours a day and I tighten up.

Fitness trainers encourage everyone, with or without arthritis, to spend a few minutes every hour stretching. Loosen your neck and shoulders, stretch the calves and work the hamstrings. Muscles and joints that don’t move – atrophy. I get it. Yet I fail to do it. I get caught up in what I’m working on and think about stretching only after I can’t stand up to do it. This week, I’ve posted a reminder on my computer. Note to self: Get up, Stretch, Move – Do Something.

I’ll let you know how it goes.

Taking time out

In this blog I’ve mostly written about adding exercise to my life, but that is only one of many small changes I’m making en route to a healthier lifestyle. I’m also taking more time for myself – a toughy when you have a career and a family. A necessity when you have arthritis.

It used to be that when my daughter would go down for her nap, I’d prepare some aspect of dinner, do the dishes, fold the laundry or go back to my desk and work on the next assignment. There was rarely any downtime and I felt guilty when I actually took time for myself. I’ve changed that and it’s probably the best change I’ve made so far.

Now, during her naps, I do something I want to do. Yesterday, I sat around and watched the Food Network. Usually I read a book. Sometimes, when I feel like cooking, I’ll do some dinner prep. If my body needs rest, I cuddle into the overstuffed chair and read or take a short nap.

But by the time my daughter is awake my body feels rested and my soul feels lighter.

Still, there I times I feel a little guilty and I justify why the clothes didn’t get folded or the dishes put away. For so long I’ve identified accomplishment with productivity. But I realize now, I actually accomplish more during the day and I’m a whole lot easier to live with when I have had some time to myself -- when I've taken time just to rest my body and reconnect with my soul. And that payoff means more to my family than a pile of folded laundry.

Official Gym Member

I did it....I joined a gym FINALLY! It is such a relief to have that crossed off my to do list. As I mentioned in a previous post I was initially discouraged with my options. I joined a gym that is roughly 25 minutes from my home and 2 times as much money as what I was paying in Phoenix. Although it was tough to swallow financially, it's exciting to finally have an exercise outlet again. I moved to the area 3 months ago and I have been going crazy without my yoga/pilates.

I am really pleased with the class times offered for yoga/pilates. It allows me to put in a hard days work, get to the gym at a decent time and be home afterwards to be able to accomplish other things such as wedding planning, etc. My days are definitely jam packed, but I have been doing a really great job at time management...finally!

Creating healthy habits

I’ve spent some time wondering, and at times, worrying about whether my 22-month old daughter would inherit my rheumatoid arthritis. Perhaps, I’m worrying about the wrong thing. Because while chances are slim that she will take on a share of the disease, odds are much higher that she will pick up at least some of my behaviors and beliefs, for better or worse.

When I pounded the table in mock horror this week after something my husband said, I watched my little girl do the same. Of course I didn’t spill a bowl of yogurt when I did my pounding, but then, she’s just learning. When I raised my hands over my head and shouted yeah. She did the same.

Each day, she is reflecting back my behaviors and attitudes and adding a few of her own. So, I’m more aware now, that I must set a good example.

And, that’s become a motivator on the days when I struggle to exercise. With the right attitude and effort, perhaps I can show her that daily physical activity and exercise is not only important, but fun. Maybe in her, I can instill the habits I never had so that a healthy lifestyle is simply the norm and not a struggle to achieve.

Most of the time when I head out the door for my walk, I’m pushing my daughter in the stroller in front. We see the birds, and the doggies, and yesterday, the rocks caught our attention. But I hope she sees too, that movement is part of our daily life.

I’m making a commitment to my health. But with these changes I’m also making a commitment to her that I will be healthy and active and strong for as long as possible. Exercise is part of my routine now – and that’s one habit I’m hoping she’ll pick up.

Do your best, whatever that is

Every piece of my body hurts this week. I’ve been feeling so strong and good and now I’m experiencing the law of diminishing returns.

Doing too much, wearing out, and hurting more. So, my walks and everything else -- doing dishes, lifting baby, sitting at my desk – have been a struggle. And I’m not good with cutting myself slack. I feel as though I’m being a wimp and I find myself justifying to my husband and myself why I’m so tired, why I can’t move as fast and as hard as I have been.

That is until Sherry Johnson-Traver snapped me out of that mindset. She lives with osteoarthritis and recently lost her husband to lung cancer. She is also a water aerobics instructor and certified aquatic fitness trainer.

In her classes Johnson-Traver asks her students to give their 100 percent each day but to be gentle with themselves and recognize that their 100 percent will fluctuate -- even from moment to moment.

That stuck with me. Some days my 100 percent will be all out, strong and fast and hard. Other days, even when I’m giving my best effort, I’m barely moving.

On those days I’m still working hard – often harder – than I do on the days it comes easy. My effort is 100 percent but my body feels mired in mud. Johnson-Traver’s comment reminded me that it’s O.K.

Each day will be different, but I can still do my best in any moment if I listen to my body, respect it and give thanks that it is still moving and working despite incredible odds.

So, my 100 percent might be different today than it was yesterday, but whatever the outcome, it’s O.K. as long as I’m out there giving it my best. Are you giving 100 percent today in this moment?

Experiencing the new....

Experiencing the new.....rheumatologist! Having to find a new rheumatologist is the inevitable when you move 2,000 miles across country. I can honestly say this is one type of change that is extremely difficult to deal with.

I had such an amazing patient-doctor relationship with my previous rheumatologist in Phoenix. He valued my opinion and respected the fact that I know my body better than anyone else. He was aware that I take a proactive approach to my health care with this disease. Having rheumatoid arthritis for the past 7 years has made me pay attention to my body more than I ever. I know what makes me flare...I know what my body requires...I know what side effects have resulted from certain medicines, etc. If we simply pay attention, our body communicates to us in many ways.

Yesterday, I was sitting in the lobby waiting to see my new rheumatologist and was flipping through magazines to pass time. I came across the latest Arthritis Today magazine and immediately flipped open to the Achieving Change article written by Polly Campbell. I had read the article prior to this but had not actually seen it in magazine print. It was a truly calming moment for me. I was absolutely fearing the change of a new rheumatologist but after seeing the article and my picture, it put me at ease. It quickly reminded me of the motto I live by...."I refuse to let this disease get the best of me." In doing so, I need the assistance and partnership of a medical professional.

Feeling strong and powerful

I’m starting to see the pay off from my regular walks. I’m a few pounds lighter, feeling stronger and actually enjoying the times I can get out and go. Emotionally I feel better about myself and something else has happened, that I didn’t believe would: I feel less stressed.

Sure the experts say exercise is a major way to combat stress, but I am not an overly anxious person and I didn’t feel like I’d notice a difference. I do. Part of it is the physiological change that occurs when I fire my muscles up. But I think a major part of the mood shift is simply that I get outside, where it’s quiet, and I do something for good myself. I rarely get 30 minutes of quiet at home. Exercise is a good excuse to get it in. I return feeling powerful and peaceful.

And when you’re living with a disease that often makes you feel weak and vulnerable, personal power is a big deal. Many of us are used to taking pills and meeting with doctors and working to curb, control or counteract what the arthritis is doing to our bodies. What if we decided to work with it? I think exercise is a way to do that.

I can modify my workout to match my energy level. I can move my body – in some way – even on the bad days. And despite the arthritis, exercise always leaves me feeling stronger, and powerful and even healthy. I’m going for longevity here. I want to be as strong and as active for as long as I can be. Exercise, movement, stretching – I think those things will give momentum for the long haul. Don’t be confused, though, I’m not some poster child for regular exercise. There are days I skip it, hate it, whine about it. You know from reading this Blog that my regular sessions have been, well, irregular. But it’s clear to me now, that I feel a whole lot better when I fit it in, and that’s a feeling that comes without taking a pill. For me, that’s enough to keep going.

Making some moves

If you’re looking at a list of my favorite activities you won’t see ice skating, or even roller skating on it. These old bones don’t like to fall.

Running is another one of those to-be-avoided activities – unless I have to chase after my toddler – which quite frankly it seems that I do most of the time now.

Also not included on the “things-I-like-to-do” list – shopping. It’s true that I love nice new clothes. But the physical effort of wandering across the hard floors of the mall, trying things on and working to keep my ankles from exploding takes way too much energy. I tend to get in and get what I need and get out within an hour.

Just so happens, in fact, that the activities I enjoy the most require, well, very little activity. On my list of favorites you’ll find reading, writing, good conversation over a long dinner out. I love to travel – and usually do some hiking and sightseeing so that clearly involves some movement. And I’m a big golfer. For the number of strokes I tally and the extra yards I cover while walking to find my ball the sport becomes almost an aerobic workout.

But looking at my list you can clearly see a trend – I don’t like to move much. For fun or otherwise. I prefer to use the remote, park close and have my husband take out the garbage. But that’s not at all good for my body. And, if I’m honest, it’s downright lazy.

So, in addition to my daily workout, I’ve decided to look for ways of incorporating more movement into my life. I’m not talking another hour of exercise. I’m just talking about three minutes of stretches for every hour I sit in front of the computer. I’m parking further away from the store now, so I get a few extra steps in. When I’m down on the floor playing with my daughter, I manage to sneak in a few sit-ups (very few). I’m walking to the mailbox, instead asking my husband to pick up the post. Mostly I’m just building my awareness and looking for ways to retain the strength and movement that I have left in this stiff body by adding activity back into my list of daily activities. What do you do to keep moving? How do add activity and energy to your daily life?

Let me know, I'd love to hear about it, in the meantime, I’ve got some stretches to do.

Staying honest

This Blog is keeping me honest. Last week, my workout routine languished, but I promised in these pages, to do better. Once I shared that with all of you, I knew I had to make good on my promise.
Psychologists say that a critical component to making a change stick, is social support. And it’s also essential for those of us dealing with arthritis. There are days, when I feel exhausted even before I climb out of bed and I question whether pouring a bowl of Cheerios is worth the ache and effort. Pain can leave you feeling alone and isolated. But friends and family keep you connected to other things in life that are just as compelling but a whole lot more fun.
When it comes to making lifestyle changes, social support also makes you accountable. It’s harder to make excuses or get away with lazy behavior when I know I’m going sit down and share my experience with all of you. It’s harder to skip a workout, when I’ve told my husband 12 hours earlier, “I’m walking no matter what.” And after the exercise, when I’m feeling stiff and sore, it often helps just to have someone to vent to for only a minute.
I’ve made a commitment to myself to live a healthier life. And by sharing it, by saying it out loud and writing it down, I’ve also made a commitment to all of you that I will give it my best shot.
Seek out your own support group. Maybe there are a few close friends or a family member you can go to when the aches are awful or you just need someone to keep you on track. Maybe a neighbor is trying to start her own exercise routine and you can support each other. A support group is great when you need to commiserate, but you know what? Those people will also be there to celebrate with when we reach our goals.

Less than perfect

I’d like to say that I rebounded from my infrequent week of workouts, and stayed on a consistent routine this week, eating healthily, walking regularly, but I didn’t. And I’ve got a long list of excuses why. Thing is, none of that matters. Excuses won't help my health. I came up against some obstacles and they beat me only a month into the New Year. I didn’t eat horribly – just more red meat than I originally planned. And I didn’t exercise at all. I do feel slightly guilty and disappointed, but, mostly I'm working on staying positive. Beating myself up only makes it harder to make changes, according big-wig behavior experts. I also need to remember that a week off isn’t a reason to give up. So, today I regrouped. I will walk tomorrow. I’ve already scheduled the time and my husband will take care of the baby and any other household craziness while I spend an hour exercising. I’ve laid out my clothes, including my waterproof jacket. Put my shoes by the door. I’ve taken steps to make it easy for me to get out and get moving – no matter which excuses threaten to derail me. Hopefully, my determination and planning will help keep me on track. Tune in next week.

Running Out of Time

I've been trying to squeeze time in daily to do some type of physical activity. I braved the cold last week and took Rio, our dog for a walk with Tina, my wife. Each night Rio and I chase around the house and even outside today, since it got warmer.

The days keep flying by so fast. I can't believe it's almost February. Now that I'm looking for a new teaching position, most of my free time has been consumed by composing resumes, filling out applications, and organizing materials for possible interviews. Not to mention that my college course has been piling on the assignments. Trying to find time to exercise has been difficult, but it's always on my mind and I try my best to fit a little of it in my daily schedule.

Now that most of the holiday food has been consumed or thrown out, I've been eating healthier. While shopping yesterday, I even picked up some fresh fruits and vegetables. In addition to that, I cut back on buying all the junk food that kept calling my name. I felt good about my selections and determined to eat healthier foods. Now I want to continue finding new, healthy foods to add to my meals.

I'm still hoping to do a lot of camping this summer with Tina. We've already begun planning a trip back to Missouri. We lived in Jefferson City for a couple of years after our marriage before returning to Indiana, our home state. Since we've been in Indianapolis, we both have missed the beautiful state parks of Missouri. We're planning a camping trip for this summer to meet up with friends and do some hiking. I can't wait!

Keep at it

I feel so torn for time this week. I’m behind in work, due to a family flu virus and ill babysitter. My car broke down, requiring a couple of trips to the shop and a tow. I started a new writing class this week with homework and I’m trying to fit in my regular workout. It’s not happening – or at least it’s not happening regularly. My daily walks have been sporadic. With the 25 degree cold and wind it’s just too cold to be outside right now and I’ve only made it to the club once in the last three days.
I’m not giving up. Psychologists who specialize in change recommend planning for these kind of obstacles, the things that will inevitably come up and get in your way to keep you from your goal. I thought about these weeks filled with craziness that could derail my exercise even before I started my health changes. And that has helped. Instead of getting ultra-discouraged and feeling that all is lost, I had a mental game plan. I won't go more than two days in a row without at least 20 minutes of exercise and that is something I can hold to.
My busy life is no harder or busier than anyone else’s busy life. It’s just a matter of picking priorities. My workout is becoming more of a priority and I’ve noticed that I actually miss it on those days when it doesn't happen. I don’t feel as energetic and I catch myself uncharacteristically looking forward to the next walk.
But when I have to choose between caring for a sick baby, or meeting a work deadline that pays the bills – those two come first. I’m just trying to remind myself that a couple of missed days, doesn’t end the effort I've put in this month. I'm not quitting. It’s nothing more than a couple of missed days. I’ll wake up tomorrow with a plan to go to the gym and the knowledge that all is not lost. And I’ll just keep going.

Change = Chaos

As I mentioned in my last post, the one significant change I committed to achieving is to find a more comfortable and healthier balance between work and personal life. I want to allow more time to enjoy other things, such as spending time with family and friends, and make more time for working out.

Well, since I am new to the area, I have conducted the necessary research and even toured some workout facilities in hopes of becoming a member. Unfortunately, the prices are more than what I expected. The monthly memberships are more than double what I was paying in Phoenix. That is hard to swallow, especially since the nearest facility to my home, is over 15 miles away.

I am really interested in finding a gym that has a great selection of classes to attend. I really enjoy the Yoga and Pilates classes. I find these classes to be beneficial in many ways, mental and physical. The classes allow me to mentally calm myself while working on strengthening the core muscles. Yoga is such a great practice for those living with arthritis!!

I am going to have to make a decision on a gym in the coming week, as most facilities are offering a discount if you sign up by the end of January!

Cutting back not out

I had a piece of wheat toast, lathered with low-fat ricotta cheese and tomato slices on top for breakfast today. I read somewhere that the open-faced sandwich was a “light-and-quick meal” for “people-on-the-go.” And I do buy into the buzz words. The breakfast was tasty and surprisingly filling and I feel good that I am seeking out foods that are quick to prepare and healthy to eat. My big excuse for eating junk has always been – “I didn’t have time to cook.”
But if I can’t find the time to spread cheese on a piece of bread life has turned way too crazy.
Yesterday, though, I did have a small bite of dark chocolate – small amounts of chocolate are good for you, right? And, sometime this weekend I may have Chinese food because I’m craving it. I’m not going to cut out all the foods that I enjoy and I’m not calling my healthier eating choices a diet. I’m open to eating what I want, when I want. But what I’m finding is, that as I continue to exercise, it gets easier to eat well. And if I have healthier options around, I’m more likely to eat them – oranges, pretzels, yogurt -- than the chips, which I no longer buy. I’m also eating more fruits and vegetables and smaller portions of everything. I freak out at the thought of cutting things out, so for me it feels better to talk in terms of limiting rather than eliminating. It’s been two weeks since I started, and it finally feels like I’m in a manageable routine.

Bending back

Flexible I’m not. Physically nor emotionally. I’m a woman with stiff wrists and a rigid plan and I don’t like either to get pushed too far. It’s almost a cosmic joke, then, that I chose an unpredictable career as a freelance writer. And then went and had a kid. If nothing else my daughter has reminded me that flexibility is fundamental to parenting. So, like it or not, I’m learning, and I got a chance to test that knowledge this week.
An hour into work Monday, on deadline, my babysitter informed me that my daughter was (violently and messily) ill. I missed two days of work and altered a deadline to take care of her – and clean the carpet behind her. I hate to miss work. I hate to clean the carpet. But I remember how much I wanted my Mom around when I was a sick. And I was happy Sweet P wanted her Mom. Just as she started feeling better, I got a version of whatever she was passing around. Then – because we share everything here – my husband got it.
I felt funky for about 24-hours. Took me off my workout for a day. I started back with a slow walk more to escape the walls of my house and a fussy baby than because I’ve become some hardcore fitness buff.
But it felt good to do it. Now I feel pleased that I got most of my walks in even while little else got done this week. My “To Do” list is too overwhelming to think about come Monday. But somehow it doesn’t matter that much.
Life changes moment to moment, and I’m learning to roll with those changes rather than fight against the inevitable. For me, this requires constant practice -- but I'm lucky then, because there is no shortage of opportunity.
This week, I focused on two things: I took care of my family. And, I took care of myself.
I pouted about it some. Talked about how hard my life was. Talked about how I had to drop everything to deal with this. Talked about how we were buying new carpet.
But in the meantime – even though I’ve had to move the pink play kitchen set over the yellow spot by the wall -- I’m glad I figured it out. I’m glad I cuddled my baby. I’m glad I fit in my walk. Because I can tell you in all honesty, work would have captured my attention before. I would have slipped it in at every turn, draining my energy from the places that mattered most. Yep, plans changed this week and I found that I could bend a bit without losing my way -- or perhaps I found my way in the process.

More Changes for 2008 than Expected

Today was my school district's final weekday of winter vacation. Before going back to school to teach my students, I decided to get the whole house cleaned up as a surprise for Tina, my wife, while she's at work. Instead of working my tail off all morning, I decided to take some breaks between chores. It worked out well. The house is spotless, and I'm not as exhausted as I am usually when plowing through my chores with no breaks.

My workout on our elliptical is going smoothly. I've increased my duration to 15-20 minutes, depending on how my knees and hips feel. I can usually get up to the second level of resistance. An artic chill that swept over Indiana this past week kept us indoors, but I was able to walk on the elliptical twice. The temperatures are suppose to be near spring-like this weekend. Tina and I hope to get outside with Rio, our dog, to take several walks through our neighborhood.

I'd love to say that I was able to stay clear of all those holiday treats, but I ate more than I had hoped. It wasn't easy being home during my winter break. I tried to spread out my errands throughout the week in order to get out of the house at least once a day. That kept me from being tempted to snack, but I tasted chocolates and cookies whenever I was home - not a good start to eating healthier in 2008.

While I'm monitoring my eating and walking, an unexpected change for 2008 popped up. I learned that the middle school where I teach will be closing after this school year. Currently, it's impossible for me to know what school I will transfer to in the fall, but I am worried about the decision, as are my coworkers. I'm hoping to keep my stress level low during the months to come as my transfer is worked out with the school district.

This unexpected change will make for an interesting 2008. I hope that while I focus on transfering to a new school, my New Year's resolutions (living a more active lifestyle and eating healthier) will not be ignored.

No Excuses

Arthritis affords plenty of legitimate excuses – I hurt, I’m tired, I need to rest – and I felt like calling in all of them this morning when I got up for my walk.

My right ankle is so sore and stiff today, that I had to get up 10 minutes early, around 5:30 a.m. to get things loosened up enough to walk out to the kitchen. And I AM tired – who isn’t at 5:30? And the weather is rainy cold. Can you hear the whiny tone coming through on the page? I didn’t want to exercise. Yet, I bundled up, tied on my new walking shoes, and headed out the door in darkness for my walk.

This was part of the plan. My schedule of working and Momming doesn’t always leave time in the afternoons for exercise and, like most of you, fatigue is a problem for me. So I’m going early today before I’m too tired to get moving. I know the effort will pay off. Just not yet. This is the tough part – to get started and keep at it, when everything hurts. I felt sore and rickety during the walk. It took me about 15 minutes before I could move fluidly in my waddling way. My ankles and hips creaked and ached. Now, sitting at my desk a couple of hours later, I’m stiffer than usual.

But I feel better than I have in a long time. Seriously. I feel powerful. I got my Tin-Man body out of bed, when it was still dark, and exercised for a half hour in a cold rain. I didn’t push all that hard. I did what I could do today. But I did it. After just two days of eating well and walking I feel stronger at least in spirit and attitude. And in my life with arthritis, I’ve learned that those are the things that matter most. But don’t think I won’t be calling in the excuses mentioned earlier – I’ll use mine to strategically -- to get out of the vacuuming.

Are you working toward a healthy change in your life? What keep you going when the going gets tough?