Saturday, April 19, 2008

Taking a rest

As I sit here writing this, I’m trying to think of something inspirational or at least interesting to share about the process of change and personal growth. Or maybe some tip that might make it easier for all of us to live healthier lives. But I’ve got nothing. This week has been a grind. I’m working long hours, have had some other personal obligations in my off hours, I’ve had little energy to exercise and even less energy to do it. I don’t even want to exercise. I am eating well, throwing fruits and vegetables – even zucchini which I’m not a fan of – into everything I cook. But I’ve not been as active as usual. I knew there would be weeks like this – when it all just felt hard, when I felt lazy and worn. And this time, instead of over-doing, I’m backing off a bit. Trying to listen to my body. I’m tired. I hurt. I will rest instead of walk today. In the past, I would have viewed this fatigue as a frustrating setback, another reminder of the disease that sucks so much energy from me that sometimes I feel I have nothing left.

And I would have fought against it. I would have pushed on until my bones cried “uncle” and I lost a day to the pain and stiffness.

Today, though, and maybe from now on, I’ll listen to my body better. And in that, is some sort of success. Some sort of positive change. I’m paying attention. I’m aware of my feelings both physically and emotionally. I’m not looking for an excuse. I am tired. I am not a failure or a quitter. I am tired. Today, I am just tired. So, today, I will respect my body with rest. Tomorrow, rejuvenated, I will go for a walk.

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