Choices, both constant and conscious

Creating lasting change is about making choices – constantly. Will I eat the pepperoni pizza, or choose the baked chicken? Will I scarf down chips or go for the apples? Will I walk in the rain or watch t.v.? Everyday, we are forced to confront scores of choices and being aware of them is the key to making healthy changes. Often, we are moving so quick we don’t even remember what we had for lunch, let alone how it tasted. But slowing down for a minute, taking a deep breath, becoming present and consciously deciding which choice to make has been important. It’s helped me to become healthier physically, sure, but it’s also helped me become more aware, more engaged in my life. Sometimes I still do choose the pepperoni – and that doesn’t bother me a bit. Other days, I choose the asparagus and chicken. The key is that I’m aware of what I’m doing now. And I am using my thoughts to empower myself, instead of letting my thoughts run me. There is power in that.

Getting quiet

Still thinking about what I wrote last week about how much energy I spend tying up loose ends. I, like a lot of women I know, do the things I should do – even if they take a toll on my physical health. I’m done doing that. Of course I'll keep up with regular chores and responsibilities, but I'm done with the extra things that I end up doing even though I don't want to. Instead, I’m going to take a stand for me. I am taking a stand for optimal health. Some days that might mean taking a nap instead of taking out the garbage. And I think I need to do a better job of communicating, to the people I love in my life, that I can no longer maintain the frantic pace I’ve kept up. I can no longer do it all, nor do I want to. I want a more relaxed, peaceful life. And being healthy is about more than exercise, it also means living with greater awareness, peace and compassion. For me, and for all of us, I really believe those qualities evolve from quiet. When I slow down, when I settle down and reflect – even just a few minutes a day – I feel better, more connected, more energized. Getting quiet, helps me get clear and that is part of being healthy.

Running too fast

I’ve been struggling to maintain my exercise – or really any activity at all – these last few weeks. The baby-work-cooking-shopping-household routine is wearing me out. It’s nothing new. Everybody can relate to a life that only gets busier when exercise is added in. Now, I realize I must set clearer priorities. Spending time with my family IS a priority, but folding the laundry is not. Sure, it needs to get done and I’m not going to refuse to fold a shirt. But I’ve always worked to get EVERYTHING done – tied up all the loose ends, tidied the house and organized my desk -- before I do the things that are for me. It’s almost cliche, but I’m learning that I need to take care of myself so that I have some fuel left for the things that do matter most. And taking care of me, means exercise – not at the end of the day when I’m drained, not in the few moments when I can fit it in. I’m realizing now, more than ever I’ve got to fit it in first. That could mean some early morning walks, which I started and quit early this winter when the dark and the cold got to me. So, with the weather warming and sun rising before I do, I need to make myself a priority and exercise is a part of that. I’m going to give more to myself, so that I have more to give.

Embracing change and asparagus

I’m not the only one making changes in this household. My husband – who grumbles over any green food -- has changed too. Mostly, because I’ve forced him to. I figured out real quick, that I wouldn’t be making separate meals just to indulge his fantasy that potato chips and carrot cake count as a vegetable serving. And, we both want our daughter to have a variety of healthy foods in her diet, so that requires everybody in the house to make healthier choices.

To get him to buy into the changes, I decided, as chief cook, that each month we would add one new vegetable to our menu. And to appear slightly less controlling, my husband gets to choose which one to add.

First time out, he picks asparagus. The one thing I’ve never cooked, because, simply, I HATE asparagus. But I figured, if he’s trying, then I too must walk the talk, or in this case eat the stalk. First I had to figure out to cook the stuff. I took it easy and roasted the asparagus with salt and olive oil. And a crazy thing happened. We both loved it. We both wanted seconds. We both talked about it for days after.

Now we are an asparagus-eating household getting healthier by the day and I’m thrilled to have a third green food on our menu plan, particularly since I was burned out on broccoli and lettuce. Change might be hard, but there are plenty of unexpected payoffs –who would have thought roasted asparagus would be one?

Sleeping better at night

The drag about arthritis -- as if there were only one -- is the fatigue that comes with the disease.
There are mornings, when I’ve slept well, and I still wake up tired. Cooking a quick dinner can wipe me out for the night and grocery shopping is always an energy drain.
Coping with that fatigue has been one of the biggest challenges when it comes to keeping up with my exercise. On the days, when I’ve spent most my time sitting behind the computer, a little exercise feels good and energizing. But on the days, when I’ve got a long to-do list, exercise feels like one-more, exhausting obligation.
In these moments, when I have a finite amount of energy, and an infinite amount of things that require that energy, I often opt out of exercise. I’m too tired, I say. And it’s true. But what I’m also finding is that when I do exercise I sleep better and actually wake up refreshed.
The experts tell us exercise is an energy builder – well, so far, I’m not feeling it. But it does help me relax, and it tires me out in a satisfying way. So, aside from the bragging rights I get when I exercise, it also buys me a good night’s sleep. And that is a definite perk.

Jumping like a frog

O.K., if I wasn’t motivated before to be healthy and stronger physically, all it took was a dance class, or specifically a “creative movement” class with my two-year-old. She had no problem jumping like a frog, her little muscles pulling and pushing, her knees and hips limber and she propelled (O.K. she barely got off the ground but she’s just learning) herself into the air and then dropped into a squat, fingers on the floor in front as though they were the tiny front legs of a frog.

Now, arthritis or not, a dance class of any kind, is the last thing on the list of things I hope to do before I die. Honestly, it’s not even on the list. But, my daughter loves to dance, so in an effort to do this parenting thing well, I signed her up. She squeals and hops and claps. I try to keep up -- when I’m not willing the second hand to move faster around the clock. But I want to do better and true, I also wouldn’t mind out-hopping a couple of the other more athletic mothers who seem to bound around the room like frogs preparing for the Olympic team.

These last four months I have talked about making healthy changes so that I can be a greater participant in my daughter’s life. This week I deeply connected with that premise. I’m not a good frog. My bunny isn’t bad (they don’t have to get as low to the ground) , but I’m not limber enough, or strong enough to jump around the gym without a few breaks. I could be, though. And I know I’m getting there. So, these little lifestyle changes that are helping me to lose weight and feel better are also part of a larger goal, now, to become the best mama frog in the bunch. Ribbet.

Taking a rest

As I sit here writing this, I’m trying to think of something inspirational or at least interesting to share about the process of change and personal growth. Or maybe some tip that might make it easier for all of us to live healthier lives. But I’ve got nothing. This week has been a grind. I’m working long hours, have had some other personal obligations in my off hours, I’ve had little energy to exercise and even less energy to do it. I don’t even want to exercise. I am eating well, throwing fruits and vegetables – even zucchini which I’m not a fan of – into everything I cook. But I’ve not been as active as usual. I knew there would be weeks like this – when it all just felt hard, when I felt lazy and worn. And this time, instead of over-doing, I’m backing off a bit. Trying to listen to my body. I’m tired. I hurt. I will rest instead of walk today. In the past, I would have viewed this fatigue as a frustrating setback, another reminder of the disease that sucks so much energy from me that sometimes I feel I have nothing left.

And I would have fought against it. I would have pushed on until my bones cried “uncle” and I lost a day to the pain and stiffness.

Today, though, and maybe from now on, I’ll listen to my body better. And in that, is some sort of success. Some sort of positive change. I’m paying attention. I’m aware of my feelings both physically and emotionally. I’m not looking for an excuse. I am tired. I am not a failure or a quitter. I am tired. Today, I am just tired. So, today, I will respect my body with rest. Tomorrow, rejuvenated, I will go for a walk.